We can all agree that sex can be a really stimulating experience, affecting us both emotionally and healthily. It is also not exclusive to the younger population. While having sex while being over 50 years of age can prove to be a bit challenging, the issues shouldn’t discourage you, as they are most certainly able to be overcome. Once you get well-informed and with an open mind, you will be able to restart your sex life, you just need to be willing to do so.
Sex can be good at all ages
Every living person craves intimacy, and according to some new studies, gender doesn’t affect this craving, and people of all ages can have sex. While it is true that you might not be able to have sex in the same way when you are over 50 as you had when you were in your 20s or 30s, it doesn’t mean that it can’t be better. With age comes wisdom, as you are better acquainted with your needs and wants not only when it comes to sex, but in other areas of your life. Older people are usually armed with greater self-confidence, not bound by the wishful thinking and prejudice of years passed. Additionally, now that your children have grown up and with less to do, older couples have more time to relax and enjoy their time together without any distractions.
Sadly, because of many reasons, a great deal of adults are having a hard time with sex as they age, and usually end up abandoning the idea of sex for good. Some of them are embarrassed, worried about their body image or performance in the bed, and others have medical conditions or are coping with the loss of their life partner. These situations are usually temporary, but if people stay uninformed and closed off, they can get quite permanent. The key to escaping this situation is by being bolder. No matter what your end-goal is, you must go about it with an open mind, or even turn to professionals for help. The many issues that come with age can be compensated in many ways. If you get properly informed and supported, your age won’t stop you from being emotionally fulfilled, and you will be able to enjoy life once again.
What are the benefits to sex at older age?
A few things, including your children and your job career might no longer be a part of your life during your later years. With age, personal relationships carry more weight, and sex is a big part of those relationships. Some of the many benefits that sex provides include:
- A better mental and physical health – sex causes promotes endorphin release, burns fat, and reduces anxiety.
- Increased lifespan – due to its health-promoting capabilities, sex can prolong your lifespan by a few years.
- Strengthen relationships – sex is one of those activities that provides a way for people to get more acquainted and feel closer, leading to a deeper relationship.
- A great distraction – sex is also a way to clear your mind from everyday worries, as you are more focused on the partner in front of you and, of course, the pleasure it brings.
Accept the reality and thrive
Sex during your older years is certainly not going to be the same as it was when you were younger, but it doesn’t mean it can’t be better. The sooner you face the facts and accept who you are, the sooner you will:
- Reap the rewards of your previous experience: the sense of independence and self-confidence that comes with age and wisdom can prove to be quite the aphrodisiac for your current spouse or any potential partner. Gender doesn’t matter when it comes to this, as older people tend to be more conscious of their bodies than younger ones. With age you will gain greater understanding of yourself and the things that make you happy. Additionally, experience and self-confidence will undoubtedly bring many excitements for both you and your partner.
- Focus on what’s in front of you: As years start piling up, it is a sound advice to lower your expectations. Don’t focus on times past and how things have changed. There’s no reason for the active sex you might have had during your youth to halt now that you have become older, unless you choose to do so. Keeping an open mind and staying positive will help a lot in improving your sex life.
- Learn to appreciate yourself: It is only natural for your body to change as you age. If you manage to accept the changes that have happened and build upon them, your self-esteem will undoubtedly increase which can be very attractive to your potential sex partner. Confidence and honesty go a long way in gaining the respect of other people, in addition to being sexy and attractive.
Work on better communication
As we age, our bodies and feelings change, and it’s very important to say what you feel and think. Communicate your fears and desires with your partner, and incentivize your partner to do the same as well. While talking about sex might not be the easiest thing for you, working on communication can help both you and your partner to feel more comfortable and close to each-other, which will result in a more pleasurable sex.
Starting a conversation on this subject is difficult for some people, but it will get easier once you start the conversation. To make this more appealing, talking about sex might bring some excitement as well. The following suggestion might help start talking about it:
- Playfulness – Playful communication will make talking about sex much easier. Humor and gentle touches can help make the transition easier.
- Honesty – For sex, honesty and trust among partners is very important. Convey your feelings to your partner and let them know how you feel, and what your expectations are.
- Open-mindedness – Keeping an open mind to new ideas can be of great help as well. Discuss your ideas with your partner, and ask them if they have some as well. Being older leaves you with plenty of time and not that many distractions, and you will have more time to put new ideas and ventures to the test.
- Keep up with the times – While you might come from a generation that didn’t talk much about sex, opening up about your desires, needs, and worries with your partner will undoubtedly bring you closer together, improving your relationship and sex in the process.
Don’t forget that sex should be approached with the same level of carefulness in both when you are young and when you get old. While pregnancy isn’t on the table anymore, STDs are. Communicate with your partner and take the appropriate safety measures.
Pay more attention to intimacy and physical connection
There is more to sex than just the act of it. Having a good sex life is also affected by intimacy and physical touch, both of which are highly beneficial. Intimacy is not out of the question if you have health issues or physical disabilities, and you can most certainly benefit from being close with someone else. Ease in by letting go of your old opinions on what sex should be like. Instead of that, pay more attention to intimacy and physical contact.
Take your time
Without children running around the house, older people can have way more time to spend on personal desires and intimacy. You can use this time to experience new things, or start anew with the things you used to enjoy in the past, go for a romantic dinner before moving on to the act of sex. Sharing an intimate moment with your significant other, be it of sexual nature or not – will prove to be a great way to connect.
Don’t be shy when your partner is around, hold their hand, be playful, and encourage them to do it as well. Your partner should be aware of the affection you have for them. Be open about your ideas on how to spice up your sexual experience.
Most importantly, relax. Find an activity that is relaxing for both of you, perhaps a relax or taking a bath. This will promote confidence and intimacy, and can help with erectile dysfunction or dryness issues.
Redefine what sex is about
As the years go by, sexiness can get redefined. Reconsider what sex is about, and try to accept that being close with your partner can be achieved by other means than sex.
The act is not the only thing that’s important. Sex could also include emotional pleasure, as well as sensory and relationship stimulations. Sexual intercourse is only one of the ways to feel sexually fulfilled. Sensual touches, kisses, and intimacy can provide just as much pleasure as the act itself.
With age, it is only natural to you and your partner to change in regards to your abilities and desires. Be open minded and try to find new ways in which you can take pleasure in sexual contact and intimacy. While the intervals at which you have sex might decrease, the feeling of being close and loved will certainly feel good.
See what works and what doesn’t
There’s a high possibility that you won’t be able or comfortable to have sex in certain sexual positions you were during your younger years, but you shouldn’t forego the entire experience because of that. Remember that sexual intercourse is not all there is to when it comes to sexual pleasure, and even if it is for you, luckily, there are many sexual positions for you to try out and see what works for you. Sex at older age might require some creativity to make it work. Here are some ideas for you to try out, but go ahead and experiment on your own with something else if they don’t work for you:
Experiment with new sexual positions that both you and your partner will be comfortable and able to do, and adjust as needed. If you’re a man, you might suffer from erectile dysfunction, so you might want the woman to be on top, a position that somewhat eliminates the hardness issue. For women, it’s simpler than that – try using lubricants for dryness.
Redefine what sex means to you by focusing on the other aspects of sex, such as holding hands, gentle and playful touches, massages, and other ways that evoke passionate feelings. Oral sex is also on the table, as it is masturbation, since they are a good substitute to sexual intercourse.
Mix it up by implementing some changes to your sex life. Try having sex during the time of day that you have the most energy at. You could be more intimate during the morning, as you might feel fatigued at night.
Foreplay can really help if it’s hard for you or your partner to get aroused. Take your time and enjoy some romantic actions and settings, like going out for a romantic dinner or dance night. Passionate touching and kissing are other, more direct types of foreplay that you can do as well.
Playfulness can go a long way for both of you to enjoy sex no matter the age, being more important during your later years. Do whatever it is that makes the sexual intercourse more pleasant for you and your partner. Because of your age, you might be facing some physical or emotional issues, so playing around with your partner will be a way for both of you to unwind and relax.
Restart your sex drive
Some older people, when confronted with emotional or physical difficulties often forego their sex life. However, most of the issues they encounter are not permanent, so there is certainly a way to get your sex life back on track. Keep in mind that having a good sex life during your later years will go a long way when it comes to your good health. Sex is a good way to stay healthy, in both the physical and mental shape.
It’s not always easy to have a smooth sexual intercourse. Figuring out what the issues are is the first step to finding the solution to the problem.
Emotional issues like anxiety, stress, and depression can severely impact your sexual desire and can make arousal quite difficult. Mental issues can also become an obstacle between you and your partner, making it more difficult to maintain an emotional connection.
Body image might also prove to be an issue when you start noticing wrinkles or gray hair, including love handles, making you think you’ve become less attractive to your partner. These kinds of feelings can prove to be detrimental to your self-esteem.
Sex “performance” is always on the mind, no matter the age, and constant worry about your performance has been known to cause impotence with men, but women are not immune to it either – making them unable to get aroused or reach an orgasm. With the years piling up, this might become an issue if you didn’t have it before. It is only natural for your sex drive to decrease a bit as you age, but it’s most certainly not a problem that you can’t solve.
Communication is key, so try to talk more to your partner or friend, express your issue, be it physical or emotional. Tell them what your worries are, ask for an advice, and accept it when it’s given to you. Don’t stop the conversation when it becomes a bit uncomfortable, as these are all bumps on the road that you must overcome.
Go for it – Every physical exercise is beneficial, and sex is just as good as any other, but it might bring an even bigger satisfaction and pleasure than a run in the park. Start practicing again, and once you get back on the saddle, you will notice an emotional and physical improvement which will inevitably lead to an increased sex drive.
Pump it up by increasing your activity levels, since your sex drive will undoubtedly benefit from the increased energy levels and better well-being.
Let go of your worries as much as you can with the help of wisdom and experience that your years bring, and be open with yourself and your partner. Don’t worry too much about the difficulties that you might have and allow yourself to enjoy sex once again.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help
Intimacy and physical desire can change no matter the age, but you should know that it is not healthy. It is known that loss of interest or ability could be a symptom for some medical condition, and you ought to make a visit to the doctor. If there’s something that’s preventing you from wanting or being able to enjoy a sex life, don’t feel afraid or embarrassed from going to the doctor. Talking to professionals can go a long way in improving your sex life.
Remember that whatever is affecting your health and general well-being could also affect your sex drive. Sexual issues are usually affected by:
Medical conditions such as illnesses that affect the cardiovascular system, high blood pressure, diabetes, hormonal misbalance, depression, or anxiety can all have adverse effects on your sex drive and ability. These issues should be discussed about with a doctor in order to find a way on how to treat them.
Medications are also known as being able to act as inhibitors for sex drive and ability, as they can affect your sexual desires, cause erectile dysfunction, or make you unable to get aroused. Talking to a doctor can help identify the root cause of the issue, and trying different medications that have less side effects that affect your sexual abilities or desires.
Heart attacks and sex
It is common for older people to have some sort of heart disease, or to have survived a heart attack in the past. Because of this, they are less likely to be sexually active than they were prior to it, and many of them forego all sexual activities out of fear from another heart attack. As a matter of fact, for most of these people it’s not impossible to start being sexually active again, even if they have a heart disease.
A recent study showed that for every 10,000 people in the U.S. that used to have sex once a week, only two or three will have another heart attack, with risk of death being almost nonexistent. Before starting to get sexually active again, follow these guidelines for greater safety:
- Make a visit to the doctor’s office and talk to your doctor before your restart your sexual activities
- Enroll yourself in a cardiac rehabilitation program to increase your fitness
- If you are able to exercises to a degree that makes you sweat without any adverse symptoms, it is probably safe for you to have sex
- Exercise extreme caution if you have an advanced heart failure, severe valve disease, arrhythmia, unstable angina, or a severe case of heart disease.
- After you have resolved your medical conditions, talk to your doctor and find out if it’s safe for you to resume your sexual activities.
If you want to read more on this subject, we have some reading recommendations for you:
- Sexuality in Midlife and Beyond (Harvard Medical School Special Health Report)
- Seniors and Aging: Sexual Activity (PDF) – Benefits, challenges, and ways to maximize sex. (Health Canada)
- Senior Sex: Tips for Older Men – How to maintain and enjoy a healthy sex life in later years. (Mayo Clinic)
- Strategies for Staying Sexual after Menopause – Solutions for women. (National Women’s Health Network)
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