When your spouse dies, your world changes. You are in mourning-feeling grief and sorrow at the loss. You may feel numb, shocked, and fearful. You may feel guilty for being the one who is still alive. If your spouse died in a nursing home, you may wish that you had been able to care for him or her at home. At some point, you may even feel angry at your spouse for leaving you. All these feelings are normal. There are no rules about how you should feel. There is no right or wrong way to mourn.

Emma's family didn't know what to do. Her son put grab bars in the shower. Her daughter brought lunch over every day. The neighbors checked in often. But at 82 Emma needed more help. She wasn't able to manage her medicines, and she was having a regular problem with incontinence. Then she forgot to take her key out of the front door, and she left the water running in the kitchen sink all night. Staying home alone just wasn't working for Emma.

AARP
601 E Street, NW
Washington, DC 20049

American Association of Homes and Services for the Aging
2519 Connecticut Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20008

American Health Care Association
1201 L Street, NW
Washington, DC 20005

Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services
7500 Security Boulevard
Baltimore, MD 21244-1850

Department of Veterans Affairs
810 Vermont Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20420

National Citizens' Coalition for Nursing Home Reform
1828 L Street, NW, Suite 801
Washington, DC 20036

 

By Michelle Andrews

When Betty Hoff moved into an assisted-living facility in Fowler, Calif., two years ago, the 86-year-old thought she didn't have anything to worry about financially. She had a long-term-care insurance policy that would pay up to $3,000 a month for three years of nursing home, assisted living, or home care. Hoff has severe arthritis and can get around only with a walker or cane, which means she could no longer cook, clean, or do the laundry. But her insurer denied the claim. Hoff wasn't cognitively impaired, and the company said she didn't need help with enough "activities of daily living," or ADLs, to qualify for benefits.

It used to be pretty simple.  So long as you were independent, you lived in your own home, or moved to a retirement community.  If you needed a little help with personal care, and your meals provided, you went into board and care.  If you needed quite a bit of help with personal care, or skilled nursing care, you went into a nursing home.

Helen grew up on a farm in the Midwest. She drank lots of milk as a child. She also walked a lot. After graduating from high school, she got married and found a job. Family and work kept her too busy to exercise. Helen went through menopause at age 47. At age 76, she was enjoying retirement - traveling and working in her garden. But then she slipped on a small rug in her kitchen and broke her hip. After Helen recovered, she needed a cane to walk, and gardening was a lot harder to enjoy.

At age 75, Sheila thinks she's a very good driver. And she wanted to stay that way. So she got her eyes and hearing checked to make sure she can see and hear well enough to drive safely. Then she signed up to take a driving course for older drivers at her local automobile club. Will all this effort guarantee Sheila's road safety?

Ben has been married for 47 years. He always managed the family's money. But since his stroke, Ben can't walk or talk. His wife, Shirley, feels overwhelmed. Of course, she's worried about Ben's health. But on top of that, she has no idea what bills should be paid or when they are due.
Eighty-year-old Louise lives alone. One night, she fell in the kitchen and broke her hip. She spent a week in the hospital and 2 months in a rehabilitation nursing home. Even though her son lives across the country, he was able to pay her bills and handle her Medicare questions right away. That's because several years ago, Louise and her son talked about what to do in case of a medical emergency.